


You Were Always Destined to be an Arse

by pho3b3



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Emo Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Fluffy Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, M/M, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, angsty!baz, drunk!snowbaz, only a smidge of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pho3b3/pseuds/pho3b3
Summary: Baz comes back to find Simon Snow drunk and against his better judgement, decides to join him.





	You Were Always Destined to be an Arse

**Author's Note:**

> This is also posted on my tumblr @goodluckhun come say hi to me on there!

The heavy, old door to Mummer’s house slams shut behind me with a satisfying _clunk._ The air in here doesn’t feel right. Call it vampire-senses or whatever, but something doesn’t _feel_ right. It’s a different kind of feeling than the one left behind after Snow goes off, the air isn’t thick with smokey magic, I don’t feel like I’m choking. Something has thrown off the balance in here and I’d bet all my inheritance that it’s something Snow has done, _the absolute nightmare_. I take the stairs two at a time, avoiding the one that flicks up if you tread on it wrong (Snow always treads on it wrong and it’s fucking hilarious) and as I get closer to my room – our room, the more convinced I am that Snow has fucked something up somehow. I pull the door open and surprisingly everything is the way it was when I left this morning, except Snow is dangling off the edge of _my_ bed, his head and shoulders in an awkward bent position on the floor and his legs part way up the wall because even though I’m taller than him that boy is still tall.  
“Snow you _twit_ get off my bed,” I get him with a swift kick to one of his hands, but not hard enough to actually hurt the boy, _anathema and all that._ He flips me the bird because Simon ‘the chosen one’ Snow is the definition of mature. He throws his legs to the side meaning he’s now huddled on the floor facing my bed.  
“Fuck you Ty- _anus,_ ” his words are slurred and that has me confused as it is but then he _fucking giggles_ and I wish I had a camera because Simon Snow is _wasted_ on a school night. I’ve been getting the anus jokes since we were 10 and Snow has known me that whole entire time and he’s only just figured it out and he’s _proud of himself because of it._  
“You’re just going to ignore the fact that my name has a r in it or?” Snow jumps to his feet and sways a little, half of me wants to steady him because seeing Snow hurt isn’t a fun time for me but the other half of me, the one that pushed Snow down the stairs that one time, wants to shove him a little to help with the falling process. I bite my tongue to stop myself from telling him that the anus jokes are older than the mage because I _really_ want to keep the adorable little smile he has on his face, even if it’s at my expense.  
“The r really isn’t important, what is important is that the word anus is your name. Face it Baz, you were destined to be an arse,” with that he falls backwards onto my bed in a fit of laughter, his bronze curls splayed on my pillow, his eyes crinkle at the ends, something I’ve never noticed before. I have never seen Snow like this, so carefree, so relaxed, _so beautiful._ I almost forget that I’m meant to hate him, that right now I’m meant to be sneering and making empty threats about ratting him out to the mage (not like the mage would ever do anything about it if I did) I forget everything except the happy sounds he’s making and how they make me want to kiss him. I can’t kiss him, I know that, but Crowley I want to. I want to stop his laughter with my mouth instead of cruel words, I want to the one to comfort him when he finds out how much of a dick the mage is, I want to be able to openly care for him.  
_But that’s Wellbelove’s job._  
The role I’m destined to play is the arch enemy, the villain, the one that Snow kills to become the hero he’s destined to be, and I think I’m okay with that, if it means I get moments like these sometimes. The happy sound has stopped, Snow is looking at me expectantly.  
_Right, I’m meant to be sneering._  
“Merlin and Morgana Snow, _get off my bed,_ ” Snow doesn’t say anything, instead he hangs off the side off my bed again and reaches underneath it to pull something out, _Crowley he could’ve found anything under there._ He pulls out two small glasses bottles of cider and throws one at me with a smirk, somehow I manage to catch it.  
“Catch up Bazzy boy.”

***

Out of every possible way I thought my Tuesday night would go, this was not one of them. Snow and I are, what he called, top-and-tailing on my bed, basically his feet are in my face and I’m five bottles of cider passed caring. Snow and I have talked more tonight than we’ve ever talked the whole seven years we’ve been sharing a room together and I’m now only realising how bad of an idea this was because somehow I’ve fallen for him just that painful little bit more and I just really want someone to stake me. Snow grabs us both another thing of cider, he seems to have an endless collection, we’re never going to run out.  
“So where exactly did all this come from Snow?” Snow places his empty bottle on the floor and pushes it until it rolls under his bed amongst all the others, we’ve got quite a good system going if I’m honest. Snow’s cheeks turn a little pink and I want to kick myself, really hard, in the shin for thinking it’s _fucking adorable._  
“I magicked them here, that’s why there’s so many, I think Britain’s entire cider supply is your closet right now,” Snow snorts and Crowley I don’t know how he did it but he managed to make it sound attractive.  
“Okay you’re definitely moving it all into your closet, why in Morgana did you use mine the first place? Do you want me mad at you or something,” if someone had of told me yesterday that I would be spending my night drinking and _joking_ with Simon Snow I would’ve called them a numptie and told them to sod off. I would’ve been wrong because Snow and I are drinking and laughing like we’re old friends, like we don’t hate each other (I genuinely don’t hate Snow, I just hate how he makes me feel), _Crowley I’m living a charmed life._  
“No I never want you to be mad at me but you always are, it’s just the degree of mad that differs and I guess this afternoon I didn’t care how mad you were,” he shrugs at me, smiling a little. I don’t think I could ever get use to Snow being like this, it makes me want to get him drunk everyday just so I can see him this happy all the time. Snow and I have a lot more in common than I thought, for example I never want to be mad at him either, in fact a large part of me wants to spend the rest of my life _happy with him._  
Simon Snow has turned me into me into a fucking sap.  
“Why are we drinking on a Tuesday night anyway? What would the mage say?” I smirk for what has to be the 100th time tonight, and just like all the others it seems to take Snow by surprise, _good._ I down the rest of my drink and roll it along the ground like Snow did just before but because _I’m fucking hopeless_ it stops in the middle of the floor. I dive for it because, Merlin, I don’t know, I want to, I land with a thud right next to it. To my surprise so does Snow. He looks at me for a second, and the crinkles by his eyes return and that happy sound comes out of his mouth and this time I let myself laugh with him, for the first time in forever I laugh. I laugh until my chest and stomach aches and tears roll down my cheeks, I feel _free._ It might just be the copious amounts of alcohol in my system but I feel like I could do anything, _be anything,_ I want. I wonder if Snow feels it too.  
“Agatha broke up with me. Apparently it’s not good enough to be my future,” Snow shrugs, rolls his eyes and pushes my bottle under the bed but doesn’t make any attempt to move. I look at him, with his perfectly messy curls and his blue eyes that are _so ordinary_ but _breathtakingly beautiful_ at the same time, the freckles that dot his cheeks and the moles on his neck that I’ve always wanted to kiss, _Merlin Wellbelove is a dumbass._ “If I’m being honest, I don’t really think I wanted her to be my future either. I guess I kind of just always assumed that it would be her and I to the end you know? From the moment I saw her I thought _that’s who I’m meant to be with._ Now I don’t know what I’m meant to do, I mean there’s no fixing it with her, she was carrying around _your_ handkerchief. Her dad is going to be so pissed at her, I’d pay all of my gold to see his reaction when she tells him. He thought she and I would rule the world of mages together, could you imagine? Me doing the mage’s job and Agatha as my first lady? _Could you imagine her as Agatha Snow,_ ” Wellbelove was carrying around my handkerchief? Merlin and Morgana what have I gotten myself into? I just wanted to tick Snow off a little, not be dragged into Wellbelove’s ridiculous soap opera life. Snow is on his back chuckling bitterly, not the same happy sound he was making before. He stops and looks at me, there’s something in his eyes and I can’t for the life of me read what it is. “The thing with the handkerchief, it was strange. I was angry, _so angry,_ but I don’t think I was jealous of you,” I shouldn’t be letting Snow ramble like this, he’s not making any sense.  
“Snow what on earth are you on about?” I sit up and Snow quickly follows suit, our knees bumping, my cheeks burning red. Snow is looking at me the way I look at him and I don’t want to think about what this means, what this could mean, _I don’t want to think at all._ He reaches for my hand, _Crowley this is all I’ve ever wanted._ I’m dreaming, _I must be dreaming,_ this doesn’t happen to me, things don’t go right for me, _ever._ His hand finally lands on mine and he looks _so unsure_ and I don’t know how to let him know it’s okay.  
_Snow it is unbelievably okay please don’t move your hand away._  
“I-I think I was jealous of her. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you’re clearly an item and even if you aren’t you _hate me_ and I probably wouldn’t be telling you if I wasn’t three parts pissed. I’ve only just realised all this myself and Crowley please just forget I said anything,” suddenly the hand is gone and he’s moved back and Merlin I need to say something, _anything,_ but I can’t get my mouth to work for me. Snow looks like a kicked puppy and I still can’t find my voice. I crawl forward just an inch. I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m brushing his hair out of his eyes and it’s so much softer than I imagined it would be. I lean forward just a little, I don’t want to scare him,  
_I don’t want to scare him._  
He gives me a small nod. _Crowley I’m about to kiss Simon Snow._  
Our knees bump again, it’s awkward, I’m certain I’m ruining it but he’s grinning ear to ear, bigger than I’ve ever seen him smile before so I must be doing _somethingI’m kissing Simon Snow_  
He tastes like cider and smoke and it’s better than I thought it would be. If my hand wasn’t on Snow’s cheek and the other wasn’t caught in his curls I’d pinch myself because this can’t be real. I’ve never kissed anyone before but Snow must know what he’s doing because he’s doing this thing with his chin and it feels _so good_ and I never want to stop. We pull back for air, our breath mingling. I look for signs of regret in his eyes but all I see is happiness.  
“You taste like cider,” he whispers like there’s not only us in here.  
“So do you, you numptie,” he laughs and squeezes my hand.  
“This is okay right? You want this?” What an absolute fool, I’ve wanted nothing more since I was 15. I don’t know how this will work, what everyone will think, but I don’t care, I have Snow, and nothing else matters.  
“Crowley Snow yes I want this,” he smiles and opens his arms, I nestle myself between his legs, my back against his chest and his arms securely around my waste. _Crowley I’m living a charmed life._


End file.
